Tales of a Mermaid Gone Over the Deep End
by Teresa Fischtner
GENRE: Non-fiction (biography/autobiography)
Advance praise (payback) for Teresa Fischtner:
"Well, this is a little embarrassing. I didn't actually read the WHOLE book, but it's probably pretty good. I'm not sure what she said about me, but you should know—SHE shot me in the back on my 19th birthday!"
– Ronny Fischtner (author's son)
"I love my mom and I love MOST of this book. It should be noted that my bowling has improved, I've given up hockey, accounting is for nerds, pancakes is food for super heroes and no one needs to count how many boyfriends I've had."
– Malyn Fischtner (author's daughter)
"I'm pleased to be the source of so much humour for my wife. I just wish she didn't feel the need to publish it."
– Ron Fischtner (author's husband)
"It was the last class of the evening that I was teaching, and we were doing our stretches, and at the surface of the water I noticed a single floating nipple happily bobbing away on its own. Unsure if its owner was still in the water, I quietly asked the nearest lady, "Excuse me, could you just pass me that nipple over your right shoulder?
"There I held a lovely C-cup breast that went rogue. I made posters for the lost breast (seriously, I made missing boob posters). No one claimed her. I introduced her to all the instructors, but no one recognized her (honestly, they all look the same after a few years at the pool). No one ever claimed Betty (yes, we gave her a name). Betty stayed on the teachers' table in our special little box for a long time. Eventually, like all good boobs, she wrinkled up, lost her bounce, and sagged lower and lower in the box until we all forgot how much fun she was when we first found her."
This is a feel-good book of true short stories about me, my family, friends, and my aquafit business, Over the Deep End. We all have stories to share, and the true ones are always the best. I'm sharing some of my most vulnerable moments, some of my greatest moments, and some of my saddest. Hopefully, in one story or another, you find something way better than me—you might find you. We all have a story and a different way to tell it. I hope telling my stories helps you tell some of your own.
EXCERPT (Exclusive Excerpt):
I know what you’re thinking: What kind of person would call her best friend a bitch, and make it the title of a chapter in her book? Seriously though, more often than not, when my friend’s name is mentioned, it’s followed by “is a bitch.” Let me explain.
I was born the youngest of five kids. I have three sisters and one brother. My parents were Dutch immigrants who worked hard building up their farm and raising their family in rural Ontario. I had a good family, good friends, and a good education. I was one of the lucky ones, or was I? Of course I was. Wasn’t I?
When I had a scratch ticket as a teenager, I honestly believed that if I scratched it in a certain order and really concentrated on winning, then I would have a winning ticket. If I won anything, it meant I was doing it right. If I lost, it meant I did it wrong. There was no such thing as a losing ticket, only a loser scratching a ticket. Oh, the pressure I was living under to think my thoughts and my efforts controlled everything that happened; it was a lot.
I could always attribute bad things happening to me as being “my fault,” while good things happened out of luck. As I got older and more comfortable in my own skin, I realized not everything was a natural consequence of what I did or what I thought. There was something else at play in my life, and I was equally relieved by it as I was scared of it. I didn’t have to right all the wrongs in life; sometimes, they would right themselves. I didn’t need to judge other people, and in turn, I didn’t feel judged myself. I finally found a belief system that I could believe in; her name is Karma.
I believe Karma is everywhere. She is rewarding good deeds and challenging the wrong. Karma is the belief that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. My Karma is a little different, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes it’s hard to know the difference; some of the most challenging times in my life I can look back on now with awe. I can see how getting through pain has made me more empathetic, being broke has made me generous, and being sick has made me health conscious. As for bad things happening to bad people, I don’t believe there are bad people. We are all born with the same abilities to love, be kind, forgive, and nurture. Every day we choose to use those gifts that we were born with or not. Don’t get me wrong; my rose-coloured glasses haven’t blinded me. No one can get through life being a prick without getting pricked. But in general, people are good and what comes around goes around, and that’s really good.
AUTHOR Bio and Links:
Teresa Fischtner is an "aqua entrepreneur." After 25 years working in accounting, she changed careers and started teaching aquafit at her family pool. Customers come to "Over the Deep End" for full body workouts in deep water and they leave with a sense of community and friendship that Teresa has created, and all her mermaids and mermen continue to nurture.
This is Teresa's first book; she writes from her heart with honesty and humour. Comments and kindness always welcome at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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GIVEAWAY INFORMATION and RAFFLECOPTER CODE
Teresa Fischtner will be awarding a $15 Amazon or B/N GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.